On A Sickness

I’m not yet enrolled for this term and I’m losing sight [yet gain] of the many things that should matter. Other than that, there’s nothing new to write about. My writings [if that’s the right term to coin them with], and my art [yet another questionable definition], are suffering [for lack of better word to describe their current state of disregard]. I’m trapped in vacation and that’s just about the only reason why I’m with this keyboard, typing away things few people care about.

But tonight, I have a story to tell.

There was a person who always smelled of pancakes. Not that it mattered but it was a distinct homey scent which I rather liked. And this person came to me every morning with his lopsided grin plastered on his lopsided head and I don’t understand why he comes. He always does…and he always smells like pancakes.

But his scent is the only thing that’s familiar because I don’t know this pancake-smelling person.

I remember pancakes. It was [and still is] a favorite morning treat of mine. Sometimes, I’d even have it for the rest of the day no matter what he says. I remember him and the pancakes but uneasiness always settles when it was the person who smells of pancakes who comes instead of him. I asked him once who he was and it was weird. He had the same name as him.

What a coincidence to have the same name as that person.

He always comes although I don’t know him. I’ll admit, he does have the same mat of hair perched on his similarly lopsided head. And yes, I do recognize his lopsided grin whenever I asked him where he was. He’d laugh it off, most of the time. I can’t quite put a finger on it but he always seemed sad when he patted my head after asking him that question.

It was weird but it felt like that person was the one ruffling my hair.

But it wasn’t him. I’d know him anywhere. This person who looks and acts like him and copied his scent could not be him. I’d forget everyone but not him and I told this to the guy-who-smells-like-pancakes. I asked him again where he was now, after the accident. He didn’t laugh it off and ruffle my hair like he used to.

I’m always competing with myself. I didn’t smell pancakes for a while after that.

When he came back I didn’t ask anymore. He smiled at me when I said so. He was his usual pancake-smelling self again but I can see the difference now. I guess he was a topic best left untouched when I’m with him.

Pretend I’m him. He told me when he came for a visit. I was confused. I thought he shouldn’t be talked about. But I complied nonetheless. I talked to him like I would to him. Laughed, reminisced and acted like it was him I was with. It was wonderful because this person who pretends to be him was perfect! I was thrilled. It was like being with him again after the accident. It was his birthday today.

Thank you. It was my birthday today as well. He left with one of his sad smiles. This person who pretends to be him also has his sad smile. A dull pain began in my chest.

When he came back he said he was leaving for a while. I just stared at him blankly. He was going to do a research on something and it would take a while before he came back. I just stared at him blankly. It was for a project he was dealing with, he said.

You’re going away like he did. I sounded stubborn. I wanted to smell pancakes for a while longer if I could.

I saw him off at the airport before he left. I said the usual. To this person who pretends to be that person, I never thought it would be so sad not being able to smell him for a while. it was like the day of the accident. It felt like loss again.

I just smiled at him when he waved off.

I opened the piece of paper she gave me before I left. It was her usual block-letter writing.

You’re better than him. Take care.

It took all I had to walk away.

So this is my take on the Capgras Delusion. The end.


About kyogakura
Bored 95% of the time.

3 Responses to On A Sickness

  1. athena says:

    how sad nmn ksi umalis xa. pero babalik nmn xa di ba? kya ok lng yun.. wait m n lng xa….
    smile ka nmn jan..hehehe

  2. Jingle says:

    hope you well,
    Glad to see you post a long story.

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