For the length that I lived, I catch myself falling for someone from time to time; obsessively and irrevocably admire someone from afar (stalking). And from this longing brought forth by the various men who have been in my life (whether they know or otherwise) is where I draw my passion for writing. That is to say, writing like I’m a forlorn and deranged stalker rubbing salt to my wounds for all to see – like I’m actually reading Twilight (no offense to the fans but seriously, sparkling vampires? Bram Stoker’s writhing in his grave).

I digress. This post is about the men who caught my attention since I can remember (which is not at all an outstanding feat since I’m less than two decades young). So let’s get this over and done with.

Hugh Jackman

Ah yes, the epic Wolverine. I remember seeing X2 in the theaters when I was younger (before I hit a height above 130cm). Truth be told, it was a lost case when I saw Cyclops and Wolverine do some sort of weird rendition of crying. I couldn’t get my mind off the scene for the next few months or so. I was actually running people up the walls because all I could say was Hugh Jackman this and Hugh Jackman that. Even after Van Helsing, it was the same chorus from me. Well, I’m sorry that I finally decided to be a girl.

It was his growl and his Wolverine hair that won me over that day. Up to this day, it was still that big man in the Blackbird that I see when I watch Australia or Kate and Leopold. And he’s still smoking.

Alan Rickman

He’s the classic wine who gets better with age. I don’t know how to phrase it in a correct and non-violating form but his voice is orgasmic. Seriously. If he just said hello in person, I’d be convicted of rape. But anyway, who wants to know that? Now back to Alan Rickman’s voice. There’s absolutely no competition with that (even though some might pop out with a Jeremy Irons) and no one else can really do a more decent job of him being Severus Snape from the Harry Potter movies. Well, I’m a biased fan so just leave me my lies.

When I saw him way back in 2001, I never thought he was the same guy who fell down the tower in Die Hard (that movie was awesome, by the way). And I thought twice before accepting the fact that he was Dr. Lazarus from Galaxy Quest. Here, I think, is an awesome person who can deliver comedy and villainy in a most enjoyable and probably sexy manner. Not to mention his take on The Sheriff of Nottingham, you just have to give credit to that studded crotch line. And the Metatron too.

I still can’t get past that orgasmic voice.

Nathan Lane

Well, this one broke my heart (and probably the hearts of ladies out there who’ve seen him on stage). A few more times than necessary too. For one, he’s out of reach like the first two, which is painfully obvious. Secondly, he’s openly gay, which is not entirely a problem but it sure is a downer when we’re swinging for the same team. But that does have its perks, now that I think about it.


I think I first came to when I watched the Addams Family (a replay on TV, mind you. I wasn’t born yet when the movie aired). He was a police there and I thought, this guy had a funny face. It was a decade later that I found out that the guy in the police station had a deeper impression in my life.

Of course, I wouldn’t be divulging anymore from that part of my life. Let’s go back to Nathan Lane.

I’m a fan of the performing arts, the theatre and the cinema having the highest seat. And when I watched The Producers on HBO and saw Max Bialystock, I had to see it again. I ended up watching the movie no less than 10 times. It was always the character of Max Bialystock that reeled me into the show. Now, after watching a preview of The Addams Family Musical, I started to obsess over that guy with the funny face again. It turns out, I’ve been a fan for a long time. He was Timon, Albert, Spot and Hamegg. They all sound alike, actually. Including Gomez and the fake Spanish accent. And it thrills me when I hear that voice. Even on Butley.

Almost makes me sorry that I couldn’t watch any show on Broadway. Sigh.

Cutting Through The Layers of Fangirling (obsessing)

As someone who likes observing people (and perhaps mingling with some), I find myself at a loss whenever moments of pure seriousness get laid in. It’s one of those times when we actually see people for what they are, in all their grittiness and good-morning-faceness. It’s all about the personal knowledge of knowing absolutely nothing about a person that seems to startle me at moments like that.

I once read a quote somewhere that stuck with me whenever I find myself enamored by somebody (something) and it goes something like this:

We shouldn’t touch our idols: the gilt comes off on our hands” – Gustave Flaubert

And this is something that has always rung true for my part. For all the fangirling that I’ve been doing for the better part of my life, these people, the ones we always wish we could see in person, are strangers(unless, of course, you know them personally; then you can run along now). We idolize them for their talents (and we condemn politicians for theirs) and nothing more. We don’t know them personally but I bet we’ll be thrilled to know what goes about behind the scenes. But I see a complication there as well. Would they want to be seen in their private moments when they already bathe in our attention 24/7? Would we like what we see behind the characters they depict?

Beyond the lights and the make-up, what is there to see?

I’ll never know the answer to that question. Not without a few shots of miracle, anyway. I think I’m just making a statement as I go along this pointlessness.

OMG. I’m such a fan ♥ ♥ ♥



About kyogakura
Bored 95% of the time.

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