Orosa-Nakpil-Malate for Eight Years

I want a life of adventure. One where everyone gets all grimy and sweaty and everything’s practically like an Indiana Jones movie. Moreover, it would be a life where the leads always get what they want; no half-assed bargain deal where both parties are left dissatisfied. But life isn’t like this (at least from where I am).

Life’s more of a sit-in-front-of-PC deal, day in and day out. At least, this is what vacation life is for me. On any other academic day, it’s school and people. It’s the same shit, but promised on a different day. But it can be worse; it can be like American Beauty.

So I’m bored.

Yesterday wasn’t any different. I think I need to see some people soon. Sometimes, I wonder if I like people because they’re all so very awesome or if I like them because I’m afraid of getting bored. I mean, I’m not actually a candidate for Miss Congeniality but when there’s nothing left to do…you tend to get existential all by your lonesome. That is one state of mind I don’t wanna be in. or ever want to tread again.

Then people are a kind of cure. They get more like a placebo with each passing day. Just like these thoughts, masquerading for genius when it’s actually just your head being weird on you.

Right now, my head’s not a good place to be in.

There is that moment when you wonder where you are going. If you’re lucky enough, you’re next problem is how to get there. Lastly, if you’re pushing things farther than what your luck would usually allow, you’ll wonder what you’re going to do there. There are people like this who somehow find themselves so engrossed in their way that they forget how amazing it is that they’re only wondering where to go next. Unknown to their sweet little world, there are people like me who don’t even know where they are.

I’m saying this because of a weird experience where I don’t quite know where I stand with a person. I’ve been trying to work it out but I guess it’s just meant to be something short of anything and a little over everything.

It’s like betting your head on Russian roulette, but you know that the barrel’s blank and you wonder why you keep on missing when you’re the only one playing.

Loving someone, whether conditional, legal, sane, or otherwise, is a very simple thing. Saying that you love someone is a curious endeavor, but still quite simple. The difficulty in loving is getting that one (or many) special person to love you back. However, some people are born masochists or are still trapped in the concept of unconditional love to be bothered by such trifling matters.

After all the years spent studying, I still find that making someone learn and reciprocate these things are damn near close to impossible.

Making it last is impossible.

I’m almost there.

A few more hoop tricks and a handful of herkies and it’ll be alright.

A bucketful of scabs and we’re ready to start again.

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About kyogakura
Bored 95% of the time.

One Response to Orosa-Nakpil-Malate for Eight Years

  1. The Isolationist says:

    What if the one you are teaching to love you back loves you? He loves you since the beginning, but he isn’t sure whether you still love him. What do you think he must do?

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