Summer Heat Makes Me Feel Horrid

I’ve been going through my documents which are actually backlogs of more than eight years. As I sifted through the years, I found some works which were appalling, amusing and downright puke-worthy, but I found them all too amusing to delete. Of course, I deleted some of them along the line. This is not because of the redundancy of the things I’ve tried to put down or the bad sentence construction but because of the things they entail. I just figured that some things are treasured more when they are forgotten and are rediscovered in the summer heat.

It’s sweltering here right now. The overall condition is not meant for sentimental musings. How can anyone bundle up into a warm cocoon of memories when the temperature outside is going up to 40°C on a whim? Anyway, I guess some things cannot be halted and the budding nostalgia is overwhelming. Or maybe I’m just too weak to resist the urge to sink my consciousness into a blast from a not-so-distant past. I’m starting to think that comparing my selves is a necessary addiction.

Or maybe it’s just the summer heat frying my brain.

Let’s stick with that.

So graduation’s looming its happy/sad head.

I still don’t know how to feel about it. Like all the pseudo-significant days of my life, it just rolls on with people being festive and shit. As for me, I astral project myself into a corner and just observe everyone’s reaction. I feel like the grand observer of my life and nothing else. When I get flashbacks, I’m viewing it with close-ups I never even figured possible. It’s like watching a movie trailer with the explosions or the catchy text marquee.

I wonder how this event will be any different.

This is depressing in a frustrating way. Why can’t I bring myself to be ecstatic or whatever it is that those people from high school flicks feel? Why can’t I feel the awesomeness yet? Or maybe I have and I just don’t recognize it.

Tanginang troll brain ‘yan.

Four.

This is the magic number that people like me welcome with open arms. In our university, a grade of four entails a faster heartbeat, sweatier palms and longer sleepless nights. This number speaks volumes of your misgivings as a student but often leaves the juiciest parts in the torn appendices.

Oftentimes, the blood, sweat, and tears that were spent on the long journey to this number are only but a footnote to so many people.

People often sing about one and five; about the things that come along these numbers. But no one really knows the complete and utter bliss that a three brings when it is born from a four. Only those lucky enough to cry themselves tearless over a four and those who picked up the pieces after all has been said and done can know how it is to fight for every bit of your humanity.

So for those who are ashamed of their fours, fuck you. That’s all I have to say about that. As for those who don’t know how a four feels, tough luck. Someday, you’ll know a unique type of happiness that does not come from the effect of others. Someday, you’ll know the happiness from knowing that you have done everything you can and you’re just waiting if it’s enough to get you through.

Nobody knows the stress of anticipation, regret, and aggravation better than those who have experienced a four.

Now that my brain’s getting fried in this heat, here is a picture of a cat. This was taken way back in December 2006 near the MSHS grotto. Enjoy.

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About kyogakura
Bored 95% of the time.

One Response to Summer Heat Makes Me Feel Horrid

  1. Midnight Traveller says:

    Yeah, I know what getting a three after a four feels like.

    Nice cat.

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