Psychedelic Scream

I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted to hear a voice which would probably lull me into a state of calmness that I couldn’t find these past few days. I’m not very good with reaching out towards people because I feel humiliated every time I open up towards someone. It feels like I’m bearing a part of me that’s too private even I’m not usually aware of it. But here I am, declaring that I just needed someone to talk to.

I just wanted to talk to someone about anything. I wanted to feel better but to begin with, I’m anything but. I can’t put it in such manly ways nor can I put it too femininely. I just go about it and put it out bluntly: I needed someone to talk to.

I wanted to talk to someone about a great many things. I wanted to be comforted by voices or maybe a few words of empty encouragements. I can only put it out once in a manner that I can only call blunt. I just wanted to talk to someone – anyone – about this and that. How can I not stress this enough?

I feel like I’m that kid with no one to talk to again until high school came rolling in. I feel like I have to go through great lengths and succumb to everyone’s expectations just to have a few conversations slip my way. I thought I was probably fine; that I probably got over it over the years. However, I was wrong. The child was still hiding in the darkness of my mind.

Right now, I feel isolated and lost.

I feel like I have nothing to channel myself into. It feels like I have no one to empathise with. It’s like all forms of hopelessness has suddenly engulfed me and are not letting go anytime soon.

Probably, I’ve hurt people around me.

I’ve hurt those who should matter. Probably, they may be as lost with me as I am with them. Maybe, as my understanding lessens, theirs do so as well. As much as I don’t like it to happen, I have this destructive side to me that would probably bask in the proverbial turmoil it’s experiencing.

I feel empty right now. My hands are moving on autopilot and my head is spinning with thoughts about how I’m losing someone because of all the shit I’m doing. I’m getting drained and I’m not even doing anything worth a piss.

I’m just laying out my thoughts here. It’s being laid here because it’s the only thing I can do to ease the whirlwind in mind. For whatever it is worth, I’m feeling better enough to feel hungry.

I don’t like being alone.

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About kyogakura
Bored 95% of the time.

3 Responses to Psychedelic Scream

  1. The Isolationist says:

    Calm down. Probably just a phase that will pass.

  2. kyogakura says:

    i don’t know.

  3. Be busy. Draw or do anything that takes your mind off that emptiness.

    You can talk to me, if you want.

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