No More

“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

-Jeremiah 29:11

Bad Day

A very bad day.

X

There’s something about not rubbing it in that causes a little bit too much trouble. Now that it’s laid down, it’s the time to actually comment on it in a way that can’t be and won’t be read. But just in case, this one goes to you who just can’t understand why and how it went to this.

Just because I fuss and fawn over you doesn’t mean I plan to be forever. FYI, I have years ahead of me. I plan to be someone who’s more than a clapper to your small triumphs and a crier for all your miseries. I gave you enough credit but I guess you just don’t understand. I already stopped being your doormat.

Just because I try to be a constant entity in your life doesn’t mean I won’t change. I’m prone to personal faults. Before you know it, you’ll be missing me more than I ever missed you. Don’t blame me if you didn’t realize it fast enough. I’m no longer hanging around in your dank little closet.

So I guess what I’m saying is for you to realize that I’m fed up with all your inconsistencies and excuses. I’m so fed up with your drama because it’s taking years off me. If you don’t want to be happy then by all means, be miserable. You never did need any help in finding sadness all over the place.

You’re not as important to me as you deem yourself to be. Maybe I made you feel like you were but here’s the thing: you’re not. It’s your misery that made you believe me.

Maybe I just have a convoluted sense of reason but whatever.

I’m disliking you more and more each passing day.

Trying to be Better

I get jealous too.

I need a constant reassurance.

I can be clingy.

When things turn for the worse, I get very insecure.

I’m this kind of person when the sun’s sleeping. Can you read between the lines and understand this?

Badtrip Ako Sa Late. Pag Nag-prof Ako Ang Late Derecho Sinko.

naiinis ako. pagod ako. bumabagsak ako sa mga exams ko. gumigising ako ng maaga para sa mga subject na hindi naman inaantendan ng prof at umuuwi ako ng gabi dahil sa laboratory. tapos pagdating sa bahay puro labrep ang gagawin.

tapos kung kelan ba naman maaga ang uwi eh di pa rin makauwi ng maaga.

bullshit.

ano ba naman ang konting konsiderasyon. ok na. sige. mapagpasensya akong tao kung kailangan. pero shit talaga. sumobra na eh. pero malay mo bang tambak pala ako sa trabaho at pagod na rin. oo na sige. tambak ka rin at pagod pero shit talaga, wag mo namang sayangin oras ko punyeta.

kung magkikita sa oras na kailangan, dumating naman sana sa oras. tangina. minsan lang talaga ako magalit sa mga taong nale-late pero ito lang ang pagkakataong umiyak ako sa sobrang frustration. oo na. ako na ang irrational. bullshit.

in general, isa lang naman ang hinihingi ko as a person to another: WAG NA WAG niyo lang sayangin oras ko LALUNG-LALO na kung hindi kayo IMPORTANTE sa buhay ko. sa mga TAONG IMPORTANTE naman sa buhay ko, mga punyeta kayo kung nagbabalak kayong sayangin oras ko (kahit na sa inyo ko rin lang talaga uubusin ang oras ko).

may labrep pa ako. kelangan ko lang talagang ilabas to kahit dito lang at hindi sa mukha ng pinatatamaan. hindi rin naman niya to mababasa. kumbaga, safe to dito. sana.

You’re a Hard Habit to Break

Yes you are.