Oddities of Storms in Summer

It’s raining from where I’m writing this. Not much of a typhoon compared to what I’m used to experiencing from where I originally came from. Nonetheless, it’s a welcome change from the sweltering summer heat.

Currently, I’m sliding into one of my pensive moods. However, I’m not entirely sure how to organize my thoughts but maybe, writing it down might help. It’s just a couple of things so sit back, relax, and watch me bare the unbearable.

He had always been a bit odd.

That is to say, he stuck out like a sore thumb in a sea of wood grains and chips. However, I do not discount the fact that I first noticed him in a room of lackluster people. I would not forget how he had shone brightly that day. The way my heart just knew that he was there – like a beacon to a ship lost in a storm. But there had to have been a certain kind of oddity that made me notice him in the first place. It might have been his gait and countenance. The way he never smiled as he made his way into the long corridors would make the finest contrast for times when he did smile. It was incandescent. Coincidentally, it might have been his eyes. The way they soften and sharpen depending on the topic or the person he was talking to. There was such vibrancy to them that could never hide his emotions and it had always baffled me why people couldn’t understand him when he was practically wearing his heart on his sleeves.

However, these have passed as observations done in retrospect. Lately though, I find that my head turns to the uneven pattern of his footsteps when he arrives. I find that my body comfortably slides just a little over ten inches behind of his when we walk in stride. There is a certain brand of comfort that exists in that ten-inch void. There is the feel of home in his uneven stride.

In this sense, I had always been a bit odd.

Odd that I would notice the minute things that could easily pass from everyone’s stare. Odd that I would think about it from time to time. Odd that I would catch myself smiling from a half memory.

I struck out in a storm and wound up crashing into him in waves.

He was the April to my December and possibly I was his as well.

It was the chase of the opposite seasons; one barren while the other teems with life. He was ancient and I was a newborn – both exploring the vast expanse of the void that exists between the hearts of man. In the course of the pull of the unknown gravity that settled between our orbits, I turned ancient and he was the newborn.  I knew the wisdom that would come and he saw the world anew.

It was beautiful and it was sad. He was the Primavera flourishing against the Starry Night. Like night gives way to day so to shall the intricacies that lay in between us.

I was the December to his April but I was the Indian summer of his January.

 

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No More

“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

-Jeremiah 29:11

Bad Day

A very bad day.

X

There’s something about not rubbing it in that causes a little bit too much trouble. Now that it’s laid down, it’s the time to actually comment on it in a way that can’t be and won’t be read. But just in case, this one goes to you who just can’t understand why and how it went to this.

Just because I fuss and fawn over you doesn’t mean I plan to be forever. FYI, I have years ahead of me. I plan to be someone who’s more than a clapper to your small triumphs and a crier for all your miseries. I gave you enough credit but I guess you just don’t understand. I already stopped being your doormat.

Just because I try to be a constant entity in your life doesn’t mean I won’t change. I’m prone to personal faults. Before you know it, you’ll be missing me more than I ever missed you. Don’t blame me if you didn’t realize it fast enough. I’m no longer hanging around in your dank little closet.

So I guess what I’m saying is for you to realize that I’m fed up with all your inconsistencies and excuses. I’m so fed up with your drama because it’s taking years off me. If you don’t want to be happy then by all means, be miserable. You never did need any help in finding sadness all over the place.

You’re not as important to me as you deem yourself to be. Maybe I made you feel like you were but here’s the thing: you’re not. It’s your misery that made you believe me.

Maybe I just have a convoluted sense of reason but whatever.

I’m disliking you more and more each passing day.

Trying to be Better

I get jealous too.

I need a constant reassurance.

I can be clingy.

When things turn for the worse, I get very insecure.

I’m this kind of person when the sun’s sleeping. Can you read between the lines and understand this?

Badtrip Ako Sa Late. Pag Nag-prof Ako Ang Late Derecho Sinko.

naiinis ako. pagod ako. bumabagsak ako sa mga exams ko. gumigising ako ng maaga para sa mga subject na hindi naman inaantendan ng prof at umuuwi ako ng gabi dahil sa laboratory. tapos pagdating sa bahay puro labrep ang gagawin.

tapos kung kelan ba naman maaga ang uwi eh di pa rin makauwi ng maaga.

bullshit.

ano ba naman ang konting konsiderasyon. ok na. sige. mapagpasensya akong tao kung kailangan. pero shit talaga. sumobra na eh. pero malay mo bang tambak pala ako sa trabaho at pagod na rin. oo na sige. tambak ka rin at pagod pero shit talaga, wag mo namang sayangin oras ko punyeta.

kung magkikita sa oras na kailangan, dumating naman sana sa oras. tangina. minsan lang talaga ako magalit sa mga taong nale-late pero ito lang ang pagkakataong umiyak ako sa sobrang frustration. oo na. ako na ang irrational. bullshit.

in general, isa lang naman ang hinihingi ko as a person to another: WAG NA WAG niyo lang sayangin oras ko LALUNG-LALO na kung hindi kayo IMPORTANTE sa buhay ko. sa mga TAONG IMPORTANTE naman sa buhay ko, mga punyeta kayo kung nagbabalak kayong sayangin oras ko (kahit na sa inyo ko rin lang talaga uubusin ang oras ko).

may labrep pa ako. kelangan ko lang talagang ilabas to kahit dito lang at hindi sa mukha ng pinatatamaan. hindi rin naman niya to mababasa. kumbaga, safe to dito. sana.

You’re a Hard Habit to Break

Yes you are.