Stars Shined Down

I’ve exhausted all the floating irrelevancies in my head.

All that I have to offer now are these wounded and dog-eared pages consisting of pictures and ink-blotted dreams. It’s going to be the same old topic. It’ll be about you, me and this balance we’re in. For as long as we stay here, in this place where nothing breaths and nothing grows, I won’t be satisfied.

I won’t lose the game. The only problem that stands in my way is how to make you lose.

Time eludes me. It’s running away and every time I thought I’ve come near enough to keep pace with it, it shoves this hindrance in front me, hindering my progress, bathing me in marsh waters and bog waste. As for you, you were always with time. It irks me why and how you always make time kneel.

You must’ve made it so that I can’t tip over the balance.

Inside our balance, nothing breaths. We are the only ones left existing and neither has made the move to tip the scales. Are we scared? Am I? What is there that could reduce an adult to an infantile existence? I wouldn’t know and I’ll never ask. Inside our balance where nothing breaths, questions are not allowed. Inside our balance, we are happy.

Like birds in gilded cages, we’ll never know the triumph of knowing the winds by our own feathers.

Just failed two exams in a week. Sad? Not really, I haven’t failed the subject yet. I’ll be sad when I get there and i won’t let it happen anyway.

Tomorrow is an insignificant day. It’s not that important to me but I guess I’m just bluffing. I’m a very sentimental person even when I try to be like teflon [non-stick]. So I failed that. Pfft. So I guess aside from being a butterball, I’m also a strawberry shortcake.

Well shit.

Before getting anymore sidetracked, here’s what I want to say: to you, whose words have made me rethink some of my beliefs, thank you. For sharing with me things both material and otherwise, you have made me perhaps, a better person. Now I know why things don’t have answers; it’s because sometimes, things are better appreciated without understanding and reason. And words can’t bleed out pain and laughter, they just exist to divert. Similarly, words are useless to me with regard to you.

I met you, and words failed.

It’s been a year since I looked like an idiot in front of you.

I was a stranger like the rest of the human population. You wouldn’t remember my name even if you tried. I’m that inconsequential somebody who shadowed you better than your own. You didn’t know, of course. If you did, you had the courtesy of not informing me. I was always passing time and you had me out of breath.

You should have been gone long ago.

But it has been a year since I looked stupid in front of you. You don’t remember, don’t bother trying. It’s just one of the insignificant details in life that wound up being one of my priceless treasures. There was something about you. It must have been the way you walked that caught my attention. You had a way with moving like you were always waltzing. Funny, I’m not one for social dances. But you had something working behind you that I can’t shake off. I hear waterfalls when you move.

I can taste asphalt when the sun sets.

Smiling as I think back to that day, it must be some joke how you and I got here. Tracking back to that day when I looked like an idiot in front of you, a picture started to form. There’s a pebbled walk and a quarter of the sun left. I was sweating in my long sleeves and you had your slacks on. And even if the picture couldn’t animate itself, there was laughter ringing from a puddle of water inside a canister. It was my laughter when you saw me looking like an idiot in front of you.

It was the first time you saw me from behind this virtual wall.